Tintin and the Landlady
by Jadespade
Summary: BED AND BREAKFAST BED AND BREAKFAST BED AND BREAKFAST BED AND BREAKFAST BED AND BREAKFAST BED AND BREAKFAST BED AND BREAKFAST BED AND BREAKFAST BED AND BREAKFAST BED AND BREAKFAST BED AND BREAKFAST BED AND BREAKFAST BED AND BREAKFAST BED AND BREAKFAST BED AND BREAKFAST BED AND BREAKFAST BED AND BREAKFAST BED AND BREAKFAST BED AND BREAKFAST BED AND BREAKFAST BED AND BREAKFAST


(A sequel to the short story "The Landlady" by Roald Dahl.)

Tintin ate his breakfast while reading the morning newspaper, scanning the pages for an interesting headline. It had been several weeks since Captain Haddock had moved into Marlinspike Hall, and already Tintin was itching to get his hands on another mystery. As he scanned the page, a headline caught his attention. "Snowy, look at this!" Tintin said. Snowy whined and continued gnawing on a bone he had found. Tintin read the article aloud.

_MISSING: WILLIAM WEAVER_

_William Weaver, age 17, was reported missing last Sunday. He was a business man who was supposed to meet his branch manager in Bath on Sunday morning. Weaver was last seen arriving in Bath at the train station on Saturday night at approximately 9 PM by a porter. The porter says that he told Weaver to stay at the Bell and Dragon for the night, but Weaver never got there. This is the third disappearance in this area; the first two missing men were Christopher Mulholland (missing for over two years ago) and Gregory Wilbur Temple (missing since last year). Both Mulholland and Weaver were 17 years old, and Temple was 28, but with a young complexion. Weaver was wearing a new navy-blue overcoat, a new brown trilby hat, and a new brown suit, and had brown hair and blue eyes. If you have any new details about the location of Weaver, Mulholland, or Temple, please contact the Bath Police Department._

"Hmm," Tintin said thoughtfully, "all three were last seen in Bath, and all looked young. It can't be a coincidence. Someone in Bath is kidnapping young men. But for what?" He put the newspaper down, food forgotten.

_Oh great. He's found another mystery and is going to make me come with him. _Snowy thought with annoyance.

"Snowy, we're leaving for Bath. There's a story there!" Tintin said excitedly, racing to his bedroom to pack his suitcase.

_I knew it. _Snowy thought, running after his master. Tintin grabbed his coat and ran down the stairs.

"Are you going on another adventure?" Ms. Finch said.

"Yes Ms. Finch. Goodbye!" Tintin said as he rushed out the door, Snowy at his heels.

"Do be careful!" she yelled.

* * *

By the time Tintin got off the airplane, it was about noon. He ate some lunch with Snowy and found the train station where Weaver had last been seen. "Excuse me sir, where can I find The Bell and Dragon?" he asked a man there.

"It's about a quarter-mile down that road lad, but I wouldn't go if I were you." the man warned.

"Why not?"

"Didn't you read the news? The road is haunted; three men about your age disappeared there without a trace! No, it's far too dangerous, especially for you."

"I'm willing to take the risks." Tintin said.

The man looked like he was about to argue some more, but decided against it. "Very well, but don't say I didn't warn you!"

Tintin bid the man farewell and walked down the deserted road, Snowy by his side. He put his hands in his pockets to look casual, but in one of the pockets he was hiding a gun. As he walked down the road, he paid close attention to the buildings until one caught his eye. The sign propped up against the window said BED AND BREAKFAST. At first Tintin thought nothing of it, but the sign's message kept flashing across his mind. BED AND BREAKFAST. "Maybe we should stay here instead. Surely it would be more comfortable than The Bell and Dragon." Tintin said to himself. "But why didn't the man tell me about this house? Maybe this place is overpriced..." BED AND BREAKFAST. BED AND BREAKFAST. BED AND BREAKFAST. "It's probably not. We're staying here, Snowy." Tintin said as he rang the doorbell.

The moment he pressed the button, the door opened, revealing a little old 50 year old lady standing there. "Good afternoon," she said with a warm smile.

Snowy growled at the woman. _I don't trust her, Tintin! She smells funny._

"Down, boy." Tintin ordered. Snowy obeyed, but he still glared maliciously at the woman. "I'm very sorry, ma'am, Snowy's usually friendly with strangers."

"Oh it's quite all right, dear. I'm sure you noticed my sign." the woman said kindly.

"Indeed I did." Tintin fought the urge to enter the room immediately and asked, "How much do you charge?"

"Five and sixpence a night, including breakfast." Five and sixpence? Tintin was surprised that the house wasn't flooded with customers. "If that is too much," she added, "then perhaps I can reduce it just a tiny bit. Do you desire an egg for breakfast? Eggs are expensive at the moment. It would be sixpence less without the egg."

"Five and sixpence is fine," he answered. "I should like very much to stay here."

"Do come in." the lady said. Tintin entered the room. "Let me help you with your coat." the woman said, taking Tintin's coat and hanging it on the rack. Tintin noticed that besides his coat the rack was empty. "We have this whole place to ourselves. It isn't often I have the pleasure of taking a new visitor here." the woman said, her blue eyes sparkling with happiness.

"Oh. It's just that at such a low price I thought that there would be tons of people here." Tintin replied.

"Oh of course there are lots of people willing to stay here, but I'm inclined to be just a teeny-weeny bit choosy and particular—if you see what I mean."

"Ah yes."

"But I'm always ready in case an acceptable, handsome young man who's exactly right will come along and ring my doorbell. Like you." the woman smiled kindly, her blue eyes briefly scanning Tintin's body. "Let me show you your room," she said as she walked up the stairs. Tintin and Snowy followed her. "This floor is mine." she said at the second floor. Snowy growled. At the third floor she said, "This one's all yours, dear." The lady opened a door, revealing a small but comfortable-looking room. "I've put a water bottle between the sheets to air them out, Mr. Wilson. It is Mr. Wilson, isn't it?

"No ma'am, it's Tintin."

"Tintin. What a lovely name. It's such a comfort to have a hot-water bottle in a strange bed with clean sheets, don't you agree? And you may light the gas fire at any time if you feel chilly."

"Thank you very much." Tintin said.

"I'm so glad you appeared," she said. "I was beginning to get worried."

"It's all right," Tintin answered, "there's no reason to worry about me." He put his suitcase on the chair and started to open it. Snowy climbed on the bed.

"And what about supper, my dear? Would you like to eat anything?"

Tintin's stomach growled. "I would like to have something to eat, if it's no trouble." he said.

"Of course it's no trouble, dear, I'll go downstairs to make some sandwiches and tea. Do make yourself comfortable." the old lady said. "But before I forget, would you be kind enough to pop into the sitting room on the ground floor and sign the book?" Tintin nodded and the lady left the room and closed the door.

"She's a bit off her rocker, Snowy, but she's a kind lady. I don't see why you have a problem with her." Snowy snarled in response. Tintin's initial plan was to find any clues or evidence, but Tintin decided that it could wait for tomorrow. For some reason he didn't want to leave the house. He unpacked his suitcase and went downstairs to sign the guest book, which was lying open on the piano. He took out his pen and wrote:

_Tintin  
26 Labrador Road, Brussels_

There were no other entries on the page.

"Thank you for signing the book!" the landlady said kindly. "That's good. Because later on, if I happen to forget what you were called, then I could always come down here and look it up. Here's some supper." Tintin saw that she was holding a large silver tray with sandwiches, dog food, and tea. The woman set the tray down on the low table in front of the sofa. "Eat up, Mr. Taylor!" she said, giving Snowy some dog food. He sniffed it and refused to eat it. This didn't go unnoticed by the landlady, whose blue eyes suddenly flashed with anger, but they resumed their warm look as she turned to Tintin.

"It's Tintin, ma'am. Thank you for the meal." Tintin said as he sat down next to the landlady on the sofa by the fire.

"Oh it's no problem. I must ask, what brings you to my humble nest?" she inquired, sipping her tea.

"I'm a reporter investigating some strange disappearances around here. Do the names 'Mulholland', 'Temple', or 'Weaver' sound familiar?" Tintin said as he ate the sandwiches.

"Mulholland? Temple? Weaver? They do ring a bell, but at my old age I'm not too sure. Why don't you have some tea?" the lady asked. Tintin nodded and as brought the cup to his lips, he smelled a whiff of bitter almonds.

_Bitter almonds? Isn't there some poison that has that smell? But this is a kind old lady, why would she poison me? _Tintin's instincts told him to put the cup down anyway, and he did so.

"Your dog reminds me so much of Basil," the landlady said, gesturing to a dachshund curled up next to the fire. Snowy sniffed him curiously, then jumped back in shock.

"Is, is he..."

"Alive? Alas, no longer." the lady pointed at a parrot sitting by the window. "The same with dear Gilda."

"The stuffing is quite well done. Who did it?" Tintin asked with interest.

"I did."

"_You _did?"

"Of course. I stuff_ all_ my little pets myself when they pass away. Perhaps you should drink your tea before it gets cold."

"No thank you ma'am, I'm actually quite stuffed. Thank you for the excellent meal. Where can I wash up?" Tintin asked.

"The bathroom's by my room, dear. If you want more tea, I have a kettle-full for you!" the lady said as she entered her room. Tintin thanked her and went into the bathroom, Snowy by his side. He shut the door and locked it. Tintin opened the window and climbed out. He held on the bottom rail as he lowered himself until his feet touched the bottom rail of the kitchen window. Tintin carefully stuck his head into the kitchen. _Perfect. Now I'll have to wait until she's asleep to investigate. _Tintin thought as he climbed back up.

* * *

Tintin shined his flashlight around the kitchen, silently examining its contents. Snowy whined softly and pawed against a cabinet. Tintin opened it and saw a bottle labeled "CYANIDE". _I knew it. _He thought to himself. _But why would she want to poison me? _A sickening thought flashed across Tintin's mind. _Could she... could she be... _Well there was only one to find out. Tintin grabbed the guest book and turned to the first page. He shined his flashlight on the page, and the three entries listed there were:

_Christopher Mulholland  
231 Cathedral Road, Cardiff _

_Gregory W. Temple  
__27 Sycamore Drive, Bristol_

_Billy Weaver  
__42 Green Harbor Ridge, London_  


"What are you doing up at this hour?" the landlady suddenly said as she turned on the light. Snowy bared his teeth and Tintin dropped the book in shock. "Was the bed not comfortable?"

"You-you-you-" Tintin stuttered. "What have you done with these men?" he asked, showing the page to the landlady.

"Such charming boys. All very handsome young men, like you." the woman said, smiling.

"Where are they?"

"Why, they're still here! They're on the fourth floor. Would you like to see them?" All Tintin could do was stare at her in shock. "You'll fit right along with them. Why, they all looked about your age, even though dear Mr. Temple was actually 28. I never would have guessed it if he hadn't told me; there wasn't a blemish on his body. It was just like a baby's!"It suddenly all made sense to Tintin; the bottle of cyanide in the cabinet, the perfectly stuffed bodies, why Snowy didn't seem to like the lady. The thought sickened him. The whole place was a giant Venus Flytrap, attracting young men like him and never letting them leave once they entered. "And darling Mr. Mulholland," the landlady continued, "such an intelligent young man. He was a Cambridge undergraduate. And he was only 17!" Tintin put a hand to his head, feeling nauseous. He leaned against the piano. "Sweet Mr. Weaver, he was 17 too, and he was already a business man! In my opinion, a young man shouldn't have so much stress like that, so I naturally let him rest here." Tintin felt a lurching sensation inside of him and he vomited all over the floor. Snowy barked with concern and ran over to his master. "Oh my dear boy, are you all right?"

Tintin stood up, leaning against the piano for support. It was getting harder and harder to breathe. What was wrong with him? _Oh crumbs, the sandwiches._ "You're-you're sick! Sick in the head! You poisoned them to death and stuffed their bodies, didn't you? DIDN'T YOU?" Tintin moaned in pain and clutched his head.

"Now dear, don't get so worked up, you're only making it worse. Why don't you lie down on the sofa for a bit?" the landlady said, approaching Tintin.

"STAY BACK!" Tintin yelled, pulling out the gun in his pocket and pointing at the landlady. "I SWEAR I'LL SHOOT!" Fear washed over Tintin. Was he going to die here of all places? Left to be a stuffed body forever, never going to see his friends again? Snowy sensed that his master was in danger and leaped at the landlady. The woman suddenly whipped out a pair of forceps and stabbed Snowy, who crumpled to the ground. "NO!" Tintin yelled in horror as he saw his faithful dog lying in a pool of blood. The landlady took a step towards Tintin, but he pointed the gun at her again.

"Now honey," the landlady said, her blue eyes still gazing at him with that intoxicating kind expression, "there's no need for that. You'll love it here. You'll never feel pain again. You'll stay here..." the lady said, approaching Tintin, whose knees were quivering with fear, his face covered with sweat, his blue eyes wide open. "...forever." she whispered in his ear.

Tintin shut his eyes and pressed the trigger. The landlady fell backwards, her blood splattering the floor and staining the pearl-white piano keys red. Tintin staggered over to the body and felt for a pulse. There was none. He felt Snowy and was relieved to feel his dog's heartbeat. Tintin struggled towards the telephone and managed to dial 999. One hand held the telephone while the other held the counter as Tintin tried not to collapse. His head hurt and it was getting harder and harder to breathe.

"You have reached the Eng-"

"Help... poisoned... 15 Dolus Road... Bath... that's 15 Dolus Road..." Tintin's eyes closed as he dropped the phone and collapsed on the floor.

* * *

Everything was dark. Where was he? Why couldn't he see anything? "Blistering barnacles, why does he always get himself into such messes?" a voice said. Tintin recognized the voice. It was warm and comforting.

"I think he moved his arm a little." another familiar voice said.

"To be precise, I think he moved his arm a little." the same voice said. Tintin let out a moan.

"C'mon, lad, just open your eyes." Tintin's eyes opened to a flash of white as he realized was in a hospital bed. Again. "Oh, lad, you had me worried there!" Captain Haddock said.

"Wh-what happened?" Tintin asked. His mind felt fuzzy as he struggled to remember why he was in the hospital.

"You don't remember?" Captain Haddock asked with concern.

It all came back to Tintin. "Snowy! Is he all right?"

"He's wounded, but he'll be fine." Thompson (or was it Thomson?) said.

"To be precise, he's fine but he'll be wounded." Thomson (or was it Thompson?) said.

"In any case," the two of them said, "we would like to know what happened in there." Tintin told his story, and in the end all of them were silent with shock.

"Thundering typhoons..." Captain Haddock said.

"Thanks to you, we found the taxidermized bodies of Mulholland, Temple, and Weaver." Tintin nodded, knowing full well that he could have met their same fate. "Well Tintin, we hope you'll feel better soon." one of the detectives said. Both stood up and started leaving the room.

"To be precise- WOAH!" the other detective yelled as both detectives slipped and fell with a crash. They argued with each other as they left the room.

"Blistering barnacles, why do you always put yourself in danger like that? You could get killed one day!" Captain Haddock yelled before he was silenced by a nurse.

"I'm sorry." Tintin said quietly.

"Look, you just got poisoned! You were lucky she used a poison you could smell. What if she used one without a scent? You would have disappeared without a trace!" Captain Haddock sighed. "Just promise me you'll be more careful next time."

"I promise."

"Good. I think you'll be out of here soon, and then you can get back home to your apartment." Tintin's face paled slightly. "What's wrong?"

"Well it's just that... Ms. Finch, she's a landlady and well... um..."

"You don't feel comfortable being with her anymore?" Captain Haddock completed the sentence.

Tintin nodded. "I mean, there's nothing wrong with her, but-"

"I understand. Hey, why don't you move in to Marlinspike with me?"

"What? Why?"

"You're always visiting me there. The hall's big enough for two. Why not move in?"

"I- I don't know what to say." Tintin said in shock. "Of course I'll move in!"

* * *

Life at Marlinspike Hall was wonderful. Tintin enjoyed the countryside immensely. Snowy immediately continued his feud with the cat. Nestor always served the food. But never tea. Tintin had had enough of tea.


End file.
